best laid plans?

Tonite I hit up my easy 5 on the treadmill while watching Dr. Phil.

I reluctantly went off as I have a goal this week of hitting up at least 40 miles.

Monday I had an off day, or a momma day if you will. Groceries needed to be bought, Victorio's needed some park time, and Momma needed to cook.

Tuesday I hit up a loose 10 miles with my running bro Mrs. B. We chugged it out in about 2 hrs. 15 ? My Nike + didn't turn on and I forgot my garmin as we met up right after work.

So with today's easy 5. I have hit up 15 miles for the week.

I have a planned loose 5 mile run tomorrow, and a planned 12 mile long run on Friday nite.

I feel good with the runs. I have learned to go with the run and not push as hard as I once had.

I regret to say that I have pulled out of the San Diego Marathon on June 5th as D-man's little bro's high school graduation is that June 4th at least 3 hrs away. I guess I could still run it, but that weekend is scheduled to be family infused and I want to be a part of all the happiness.

I plan to hit up the Disneyland 1/2 Marathon in Sept., and am looking for a marathon in the fall. I plan to hit up PF Changs of course, however it is debatable if I will be doing the full. I will run at least the half, but if I do run a marathon in the fall, I don't know if my old bones can handle 2 marathons so close together. We shall see.

The best laid plans eh?

I will be running Pat's Run on April 7th in Tempe.

See you suckaz there? heh.

random thy name is dre

My cely sux.

I think I may have dropped it or had it dropped (Victorio ..uh-humm), one time too many.

I text and I receive, although the time differences when text was sent and thus received puts a kink in the best laid plans when your cely is on permanent delay or never send or receive at all.

I just keep on texting and hope for the best.

I am told that I look like I am on a mini-typewriter when I am lost in my texting world. Just me and my crooked bony fingers on a little keyboard. I can even text using my pinkie ..heh.

Anywho, this is to my bros who think I have not texted them back when I really have and am awaiting your response to my witty repertoire.

On that note, I also wanted it to be known that I am not a bad speller, although my typed words up to this point allow for some debate on that topic. I am just a really bad typist with really bad patience and borderline ADD. I hate to waste time and think aww forget it, they get the gist of what I am saying. I was actually the top dude speller in grade school and junior high, beating out the bozos in 8th grade when I was a little 4th grade Dre. hehe. Oh the stories I could tell you.

I think maybe I judge peeps too hard. In fact, I know I do.

I am really bad at forming opinions of people with a first impression, hardly giving them a chance or any slack at redefining themselves in my eyes.

I know that my impression on peeps has been less then stellar as of late. I am in such a state of stress that I can't seem to erase the semi-permanent line on my forehead from frowning.

I have that hazy Apache mean stare on permanent rotation.

I forget at times that people have bad days, people get up on the wrong side of the bed, people are dealing with their own lives and "GASP" it isn't always about me and my little feelings. I can't help but be wrapped up in my own little tale of intrigue and heavy caffiene rages.

Point is, I am hard on people as I am on myself.

Its so hard for me to relax as I feel I am always "on". I have to take the trash out, I have to stay at work for that extra 16, I have to run that extra mile, I have to be "supermom", I have to use way too many italics. etc.

I need to go easy on people who are in my area. I need to step back and chill out at some point and know that its ok to let the phone ring, to not work out for an extra day, to zone out and ready $3 magazines.

I need to let people be who they are.

All I can change and control is myself, and my Son for a few more years.. heh.

Random, thy name is dre.

"slipping into darkness"

This morning I ran in the darkness.

I rolled over and contemplated running. Originally that was my plan for 5a.m. I felt bad as yesterday I was unable to run due to some family emergencies that entailed me to run to Sac City and be there for a loved one. So I didnt' get home till 9 pm, hungry, tired and sweaty.

I awoke tired and achy in my arms and calves.

Monday I had taken my Kikass KIKBOX class for the usual hour, but this class had my calves shaking from fatigue and my arms were blown out from punching the hell out of the air. heh.

I dont' know what our teacher drank before this class, but man was she on fire. Good for me, bad for my puny arms and calves. Man, I mean I thought I was in some sort of shape, but this class just laid it all out there. Then at the end, it was semi-embarrassing as she had as doing this bootie dance/shake what your momma gave you move at the very end. It entailed shaking your bootie in and out while jumping up and down, thus burning out your calve muscles and making my runner's jello shake like it was gonna fall off. I couldn't even watch myself in the mirror it was so embarrassing. As a Native woman, I am proud to say that I don't have the dreaded Indian Butt, but as the same time I don't want to be shaking it for the whole entire WHITE LA Fitness to see..lol.

anywho..point is, I was tired.

Hit up the park at 530 am. Stretched it out for a bit, then took it to a light jog with my Garmin buzzing away that my ass was too slow. Took it up a notch and the buzzing stopped and my limps embraced the darkness.

No jams this am as my ipod died during the night, juiceless. Kinda pissed bout that but then it's always good to run sans music every once in a while. Its nice to hear the world waking up around you and to listen to your breathe take up the mornings rythm.

I took it out and rolled on in the darkness, taking a new path under some streetlights, illuminating the path with orange light. It was still so dark that at times it was hard to make out the path in front of me. I just hoped there was no big rocks that would make me eat dirt.

I ran this new path kinda giddy with not really knowing where I was going. Turned to a familiar path that ran down a canal that was pitch black and kinda scary looking.

Pushng myself into the dark I ran with a little thril of the danger. Stupid I know but that's kinda how I am..stupid enough to enjoy the thrill of a little danger. I had my shank ready to go, watchign the sides for any movement in which to run away from. Up and back with the light becoming bright e nough for me to see the path and not feel to edgy.

Back to the orange light I ran.

In total I ran 7 miles this morning in 1:03:37. 9:05 avg per mile with my fastest time being a 6:32 pace at one point.

I like running before the world wakes up.

1st impressions

Last nite I was hella tired.

So tired and full of Momma's chicken & rice and homemade biscuits I justed wanted to veg on the couch and watch Young Guns.

Of course, I had to return Mom'z bowl or I would be dead, so I got my bootie up and walked the 50 ft. to her house to return the Kentuky Fried Chicken re-usuable bowl.

On my way there, I was trying to get my words right for a certain person in order to lighten the air around our one-word convo's. But it was not to be, the said person was being carried out the house which for some weird reason totally grossed me out. I think I even said, "GROSS" out loud for them to hear. Its always so weird to see that kinda of mess.

Anywho, the convo was not to be.

What I really want to say is that my first impression of you was less than stellar. You wrote me, I wrote you back with no promises. We go to where we would be, and no time was found to properly establish any kind of relationship, in any sense. Word got back to about things you had said about me and my business (practices) in an unfavorable light. I immediately felt repelled toward you. Of course, this was all second-hand info but was taken from very credible sources. I wrote you off as a child who knew no better, but I never forgot.

I still have not forgotton, hence the tension.

I want to clear the air so to speak, but sometimes I feel that I may go off in a direction that needs not be explored. Once I open this mouth, things I shouldn't say may come out because I know that I do have that meanness in me to hurt. Things that have piled on top of the old news that have made not just a mess, but a whole freaking dirty house.

I tolerate this tension because I have to.

Its not because I am scared to confront you, its because I'm scared of the words that may fall out in the wrong way.

Fugg it. Next time I see you, the truth will set me free.

ADD stream of conciousness

Today I should be studying for my first accounting exam Monday, but instead I find myself reading a brand new library book, stalking people on myspace (heh such fun), and drinking Coke Zero. No church today though I should go, just found myself being a lazy bootie, listless with all the things stacked up that I need to do.

Instead, here I am, going back and forth between nibbling on grilled chicken, laying down on the couch, throwing away one article of trash each 1/4 hour and subsequently working myself up by a thought put back into my head by d-man about where said trash will be eventually put when we have no more places to put trash. On and on..yes this is like a slice of my brain. I go and branch off, get distracted, do something else, get refocused on what I was originally doing, then do something totally random like printing out one of several thousand pictures that I need to clear off my photo card. Blah

I think at times I may have ADD. My mind is constantly going..maybe today is a result of brain burnout. I feel physically worn out. My legs are sore in that oh so good way, you know, when its deliciously painful like when you get an itch that you scratch till you bleed cause if feels so good to keep scratching even though you know you shouldn't? ....i move and my body loves the movements little pains. Probably a result of our 10-miler that my sure goot running bro and I pushed ourselves too. Well I did, she was kicking some ass. I feel the stress of running the 10 against the wind and with a jacked up garmin. It was kinda cool as there was a "Heartwalk" going on at the lake so our usual parking spots were blocked off. We meet up at out favorite porta-john where a weird thing happened.

I don't know about you, but I'm the type of person who looks down before I sit down, if you know what I'm saying. heh. So, there I was, about to do my pre-running necessary ritual, when there glistening below me, was a messenger bag, piles of computer discs, and somoenes steamy remains. gross I know, but also really weird. I felt like I had stepped onto a crime scene. I backtracked out of there and told my bro about it, right as we were making our way back to it, the cleaner porta-jon dudes where dumping out the stuff. So, I don't know what that was all about,,,but it left a bad taste in my gut. Figuratively not literally.

Anywho, we ran and talked, ran some more. Slowed down due to my jacked up garming and lost precious minutes toward our stellar time, so we ended up running 10 miles in I believe 1:55? I have to text to see if I got the correct time. Not too shabby, but I was disappointed as I am super scary competitive and I beat myself down even when I really shouldn't. It was an easy long run, but I of course need to break a certain time. I suck.

Anywho, looks like a no go on the Shiprock 1/2 Marathon, my Lil Man's birthday is that Wednesday before the race, and his birthday party could only be on that Saturday of the race. So sad, I would love to compete among the Natives up north and see how my 1/2 O'odham/Apache bootie would stack up. Yes, super competitive I told you.

So, I need to take a shower and get ready for the Suns Vs. Lakers game that we so luckily are able to attend. I can't wait for my super mega pretzel and diet coke. Oh yea, and the game..LOL.

Peace....

almost pole dancing....

As of today I have run 15 miles for the week at an average pace of around 9:05 minute/miles.

There, that out of the way.

My trip to Vegas was in no way standout, not in a bad way, but because it was so fun the entire way through.

We went to Paris, Mandalay Bay, Ceasar's (Niketown yo), Luxor, New York New York, MGM, and of course HOOTERS..lol.

We rode the New York roller coaster, laughed till I almost fell out of my chair at the George Wallace comedy show, had a non-alcoholic beer at Margaritaville, took a picture wth Quark from Star Trek, and almost pole danced at Jet at the Mirage (said with tongue in cheek). lol.

It was a much needed belated birthday get away for D and me. I know we had just visited Vegas in December, but this time without 13.1 miles looming over my head, I had such a less stressed and anxious time.

But, D and I did talk non stop about lil Man, couldn't help it, he is our 39 inches of joy. So it was happiness that I felt driving the 5 hrs. back to Scottsdale to our lil man. I seriously can't be away from him too long. I can count on one hand the number of times I have been away from him overnite. Sigh.