party girl grows up

I was on myspace, being a stalker and shifting through profiles (come on, you know you do it too..heh).

It made me look back on my life, the life I had before I am where I am today. I read some of the things written for the world to see regarding a young woman's strut out into the world. I remember how it felt to be so young and so free and idealistic. How it felt to have this blank sheet of paper upon which I could write out my life.

Don't get me wrong, I know that i am not an old maid at 31, but man when they say there's world of difference between your 20's and 30's they ain't kidding. Back then, the world was this great open playground where I could do anything I wanted to do. I was young, single and free.

I can look back now on me then, and I can truly say that I lived the hell out of my 20's. I traveled from here to there, I loved and lost, I made radical discoveries about who I am and who I wanted to be, I changed I don't know how many jobs and tasted almost every adventure presented to me. Of course, I made my share of mistakes, but even those, the ones that left me lying on the floor, I learned from and I endured. Through it all, I never hesitated from an adventure, even if I wasn't all too sure I should take it, I just wanted the experience of life.

I've learned that karma is a mofo, and it is true what they say, you reap what you sow. Because of this, I feel that I have come out of all the turmoil and drama a better person. I took what life through at me and made it all a part of who I am today.

I'm glad that my life didn't just exist within the border of my rez or even my state. My crazy life has taken me to live in the coldness of Ontario for a month, the blandness of Kansas, the beauty of Oregon, and the spirtuality of the Badlands. I have seen so many things that I take out like a file in my memory to look at and laugh. I have touched places that many people will probably never see, and most importantly, I have done this all with and through love. The love of friends, the love of things not meant to be, the love of my family, and of course the love of the path of my life that has taken me to this very point where I type from today.

Point is, it is true I envy those young woman the excitement of life yet to come, adventures to relish, and those first kisses that can never be duplicated. But yet, I am thankful that I am where I am today. Settled with my Son and love, happiest in my pj's and drinking a diet coke while eating a meal that I prepared with 2 men. Maybe envy is the wrong word, could it be, I miss at times the freedom to do whatever wherever. Instead of buying clothes to go out to the club in , I buy new gear for my 3 year old son and a practical workshirt for me with some groceries for the meal I will cook tomorrow.

The young me can't believe that this 31 year old me rarely goes out and when she does, can't wait to get home. heh. I used to believe that the weekend began on a wednesday night, the party wasn't over till the sun came up, and never knew the price of a beer.hehe. Man, have i changed since then.

Its amazing that that was my happiness, when now, my happiness comes from being close to my family, doing mundane things like eating together and playing outside with my hair in a raggy bun.

I guess even the party girl had to grow up..

But I still make 31 look good dammit..

ha.