ipod I love you..why you fugging wit me?

My Ipod has been freaking out so here I am at 1230 am hoping against hope to get it back on track. Bummer. At least I shelled out the bucks for a 2 year warranty so all I have to do if it's jacked fo life, is bring it back to Best Buy and wait for my new shiny black lover to arrive. I so hope that it doesn't come to that. Sigh.

Fugg. Its pissing me off.

Anywho, for some good news.

I ran my 14 miles on Sunday in 2:04:42! I kicked my best 1/2 marathon time by 3 minutes and one whole freaking mile!

Last year around this time, I had run the S. Mtn. 1/2 marathon in 2:07 minutes, beating my PF Changs 1/2 Marathon time in 2005 by 3 minutes.

Next Sunday awaits my S. Mtn. Half-marathon again. I feel so confident and strong in my running that I am almost positive I will beat my 2:00 half-marathon goal. No, fugg that. I WILL BEAT IT. Dammit.

Last week:

TUes: 7.34 miles in 1:00:08. 8:11 min./miles.
4.03 miles in 32:21. 8:00 min./miles. (7 pm)
Weds: 6.16 miles in 51:25. 8:20 min./miles.
Fri: 3.49 miles in 28:33. 8:09 min./miles.
Sat: 7.02 miles in 59:03. 8:24 min./miles.
Sun: 14 miles in 2:04:42. 8:54 min./miles.

Total for week: 42.04. Whoa.

pEACE OUT ..

RESPECT.

Looking at myspace, I saw some images that disturbed me.

I think that I maybe more old skool in my thinking than most, or even more so than I think I am.

Tonite, I saw images that I believe should not be posted for the internet world reality to see.

No,they were not porno shots, or pictures of anything bloody or sick. They were images of my people's ways that are meant to be sacred and kept without the lens from a camera.

I understand and acknowledge that there are images in books, maybe even in movies, and certainly on the internet of my people's traditions, but in my thinking, we as a people should not use these images as a means of "showing off' who and what we are.

I do not know if this was the intention behind the image(s), but it is my belief that if you know of yourself and your place in this world, regarding who and what you are, then you are taught and learn that there are certain things that one does not "show off" or "show out" about, these things are not meant to validate yourself, they are meant to be show respect. Period.

To be from the great people who I am descended from, I am humble in who I am with regards to both my great tribes.

I do not have to, nor was I taught, that to be who I am, I have to show it to others, I am who I am because that is the way it is.

Maybe I am not making any sense, but to me, my culture is not a thing to "show off" to others. I know there are certain things we do and don't do because of respect for what they represent. WE SHOW RESPECT.

This I promise I will teach and drum into my Son.

Too bad more of us can't or won't do the same.

making impossible, POSSIBLE.

This morning I woke up with sluggish legs and bushy hair.

It wasn't too hard to roll outta bed, but it was hard to walk without feeling the soreness in my legs. I LOVE IT. I'm kinda weird in that way that I love to feel the lactic acid burning up and down my thighs. It makes me feel like I have accomplished something, besides, it usually doesn't last too long anyway.

Last nite, I hit up 6 miles at the park before my beloved TV night of America's Next Top Model and LOST. I ran it feeling tired and no go in my juice. I averaged about 8:20 minute miles but at times I felt as if I was running much much slower. I felt like I was running so slow that I was embarressing myself. I guess I really wasn't but it was just an overall trippy feeling.

I finished without that exhausted drop down to my knees feeling that I thought I might, ya know, when your so beat down after a run that you just stop and rest your hands on your knees while you try to catch your breath? I didn't have that, I actually felt ok, but grateful that the run was over. I hate that. I hate runs that make you wish for its end. Thats no way to run. For realz.

Anywho, I think I might still just be tired from my 11.38 miles yesterday. Running another 6.16 might of been pushing it too hard today, and knowing me, I should of run at least a minute slower than my usual pace to recover from my long run. But I know me, all out for now reason. heh.

Anywho, last nite I was lurking on the internet as I couldn't sleep and came across Higdon's home page. Hal Higdon. He's the running God who has training guides for running your best marathon, or for those of us, a better marathon.

I printed out his Intermediate 1 Training Guide, and am thinking of following it for the next 11 weeks until the marathon in January.

I have pretty much followed his guide without knowing of it, and I like the structure that it gives. Only prob is that I have some scheduled races including my upcoming 1/2 marathon on November 5th at South Mtn, and the LV 1/2 marathon on December 10th. Hmm, well I am one to go against the norm and I am sure that I can just use this as a loose guide for my training.

I don't want to tell you what my marathon time goal is for this year's race, it makes it too real. The way I have been running and the confidence that I have now make what I thought was otherwise impossible, possible.

Hm.

Running Ish:

Mon: Rest.
Tues: 7.34 miles in 1:00:08 at 8:11 min./miles.
4.03 miles in 32:21 at 8:00 min./miles.
Weds: 6.16 miles in 51:25 at 8:20 min./miles.

Peace out yo.

im rolling.

Monday I took a rest day.

Made up for it yesterday.

I got into work early yesterday, so I took an hour and half lunch hour in which I ran 7.34 miles in 1:00:08, 8:11 min./miles.

Later that nite with my lil Family, we hit up LA Fitness and I ran an additional 4.03 miles in 32:21, 8:00 MIN./MILES!!

So yesterday, I ran a total of 11.37 miles.

Im off to a good week.

When blogging yesterday, I forgot to include my run in GODS COUNTRY, aka San Carlos, my homey town.

Saturday I was home for the INFR rodeo at the casino, our tickets were good for the afternoon show which started at 1 pm., so I had figured I could get my run in that morning.

Slowly, after a kick bootie breakfast cooked by shi'ma, I ran at about 1030 am. I took off on my old skool route of around the field below my house. I figured that I wuold run the loop 2 times. I had estimate before that the loop was about 1.5 miles one way. So, if I ran it two times I would hit up 6 miles. Sweet.

Now that I have my Nike + system, I figured that I could finally get an accurate reading of the distance around my running path.

I took off, armed with an old t-shirt that I found in my old room, and my Dad's bandana. I kissed my loves and stretched for like 10 seconds, bad I know. I walked down the rocky, dusty, potholed driveway to the road and I was off.

There was a nice breeze and a coolness and cleaness to the air that I had missed. I ran it out till I turned into the dirt road and got ready for the rez dogs serenade. NICE, no dogs this time. Had to stop a bit to get over the cattleguard but it didn't slow my roll too much.

I check my pace and I was clocking in 8:05 min./miles! Too fast for the elevation and for my desired 6 miles. But NICE anyway, heh.

I ran up to the fence and turned it around, but I was looking for a challenge, so I ran it up to the store. To run to the store, you have to run about 1 mile uphill. I felt so good doing that run, uphill had me breathing with a grimace, but I checked my pace again and I was hitting up 8:45 min./miles! Nice.

So all in all, I ran 5.09 miles in 42:37 with 8:21 min./miles.

I am so ready to kick some ass at the Veteran's 8k!

But before that, I am nervously awaiting the S. Mountain 1/2 Marathon next weekend.

I am aiming for a 2:00 1/2 Marathon.

Busy.busy.

Peace.

ish.

Running ish:

Tues: 6:08 miles in 50:17. 8:15 min./miles.
Thurs: 10.03 miles in 1:25:11. 8:20 min./miles.
Sat: 5.09 miles in 42.37. 8:21 min./miles.
Sun: 6.08 miles in 49.41. 8:10 min./miles.

Total for week: 27.28 miles. Boo.

I was slacking last week.

I has so much going on that I had to sneak in a 5 am run and get up at 4:30 to get to the gym.

I loved it. Seriously.

I'm weird in a way that 9 out of 10 times I will wake up when I want to. No alarm clock, nada. I have this internal thing that I have always loved. So ANYWAY, lol, I got up, bleary eyed and with 80's hair. I washed the face, got dressed, drank some water and ate a granola Powerbar (those things rULE!!).

It was still dark outside when I got in my ride. I loved the quietness of the rez and the smell of the early morning air. I felt deliciously sneaky and with a sense of solitude that had me pricking in my skin. It was also slightly cool so that I threw on a t-shirt over my tank and jetted up the warm air coming through the vent.

I drive through the surprisingly busy Scottsdale streets to hit up my beloved LA. I was surprised that the lot was pretty full, and inside the die-hards were furiously peddling, running, and lifting away.

It was nice to have my pick of treadmills and have my own space away from peeps. I got to watch the news instead of Sesame Street. Nice.

I had brought with me my powergel and my carafe of water in my pretty purple bottle.

Didn't eat the powergel.

Ran and ran.

I think Im going to try this 430 thing again and again.

Plus, when I run in the A.M., I tend to run again in the evening again.

The time is getting closer to the truth...

A little less than 3 mos. to my second marathon.

4:20 hear I come.

Suckaz.

superwoman.

I love my Son from the bottom of my soul.

But, I wonder, am I good enough for him?

I am such a fucked up person, who am I to raise a child? I have so many issues that I do not want to pass on to my Son. He is innocence in a mirror image of me, how do I know what I am doing is right?

I go crazy with thinking I am failing him somehow, someway. I want to give him all of me. But what if all of me is jacked to no end?

WHen I look into his beautiful black eyes, I want him to feel my love for him, and that he is safe. Safe in a way that I will always be here for him, I will always protect him, I will always be that whisper on his lips.

I want to be a better parent than my own, I want to know patience.

Man, there are times when he frustrates me to no end, and I have to walk away, but he knows that I will always be back.

He is my love that is the blood pulsing in my veins, but how do you balence that kind of love?

I think about him all day..and I miss him so much.

I feel guilty for leaving him in the care of others, but dammit, I have to work. I even try to figure out how many hours he spends there as compared to the hours he spends with us.

I feel so guilty for needing "me time", when I feel that I don't spend enough time with my lil Man. I feel guilty when I run long..cause those are hours that are taken away from watching him grow.

How the fuck do you know how to raise a child?

I feel so beat down at times, so frustrated that I am not superwoman.

I just want to do right by my Son.

I want to raise him feeling he is surrounded by love and dances in happiness.

I want to know that I am raising him right.

Whatever that is.

haterade

I watched a comedy show up on cinemax..ya know the lil Black doot from the third Friday I think..? the lil lucky charms doot? yea him.

He's pretty funny.

He got me thinking cause some of the things he said were profound. For realz.

He was talking about how Black people want other people to stop hating on them and what they do, but that no matter what happens, there will always be peeps who will hate.

He said, if you have 14 peeps hating on you at the beginning of summer, your goal should be to have 30 peeps hating on you at the end.

I had to laugh at that, because if you think about it, its true.

People only have hate for you because you embody something that they themselves envy and/or desire. Whether it be a relationship, a family, intelligence, physical beauty, freedom, money, etc.

I have always had peeps that have had dislike for me. I remember in High School on the first day of my Senior Year, a girl from the rez that I didn't even know came up to me. She said that I thought I was better than everyone else..I was like," NO, YOU think I'm better than everyone else." I had known of this girl for years from way back, but I had never gotten the vibe like she liked me, so it was kinda no surprise. I met up with this girl years down the road, and she acted like we were best friends back in the day...whatever yo. I was cordial enough, but hey, she was just tryin to ride my coattails to a party to peeps in the know.

I admit, I am a bit cocky. But i call it confidence. lol.

Ok, Im an arrogant little bitch at times..but hey I've mellowed out.

I know now that because I have a big mouth at times, that doesn't mean I won't get my ass kicked.

I know now that the more success I achieve, in whatever it is I do. there will be peeps that share my joy and there will be peeps that hover to see me fail.

Right now, I choose to be happy with who I am and where I am in life. If someone doesn't iike it, then I have nothing but blessings and prayers for you.

Its all relative.

shi'ma

After two days of rest..

I ran on a slightly uncomfortable hip.

Monday nite I had designs on kicking ass at kickboxing, but my hip doth protest too much, so instead I took Son-boi for a 1 1/2 mile walk in the park.

Man, did we have a blast. I think the best part was when he said, "Grandma run.."...cause he laughed and laughed watching shi'ma haul bootie up the hill. hehe.

I miss walking in a circle with her, though our shouts were hard to hear over lil Man's plastic wheels on his car, we had some good old-fashioned Mother/daughter time. Its funny, but she truly is my best friend. I remember when I moved to KC for a year, me and her talked every day, and I am so not a phone person, but I had to hear the safety of her voice.

When I saw her when I came home for a visit, we both burst into tears, you know, those from the chest sobs that make you choke on your spit and make your face an ugly blotchy mess? yea, I get that from her too..heh.

I remember she flew up so we could take road trip to Red Earth in OKC. Dang, we talked non-stop the whole drive..and it was so fun, just us two. Even though we had a breakdown in my lil purple Neon, that was even an adventure. I was depressed for like a week after she left, and I knew, I just knew, the love I had for that Man then had no hold on me like the love I have/had for shi'ma. Period. Two months later, I came home.

She and I have our history, she held me up and I help her up. She knows me in a way that no one ever will. I know when she has a bad day, she doesn't have to say a word, or even be within 100 miles of me, I call, and I know.

She is the woman I aspire to be.

To be called a mom as great as her would be my greatest compliment.

my hips dont lie...

Yesterday I ran my first 12 in a while.

It was at a nice and easy pace, keeping it under 9:00/mile.

I did my run at the park around 3pm..and no Im not crazy. It was actually beautifully cool with a breeze strong enough to blow my 10 lb. hair around. I had originally decided to run at Tempe Town Lake for a structured 12 miles, but time and laziness got a hold of me and I decided to just run at the park, with security and safety leaving me stress and shank free.

Now, I have run long at the park before, one long loop around the park equals 1.5 miles. So I was going to have to run the park 8 times. 8 sometimes repetitive, boring, times, but hey, safety and security was the tradeoff so I had no complaints.

My run began nice and easy, feeling no pain and excited to do the damn thang.!@!

I had to slow my ass down and be conscious of my pace. I knew I wanted to run 12 miles in at least 1:50. This time I chose to run in under 9 minute miles to give me a chance to see if the desired 2 hour time for 13.1 was in my grasp.

The run was actually going pretty fast, as long runs usually do, and I lost track of time...except when my hip went bad.

At about mile 4.5, I felt a pulling in my left hip. I guess I had been feeling it for a bit, but it was at that point where I actually wondered if I would be able to finish the run. It freaking hurt! I ran through it...pushing on because I really wanted to get my 12 miles in, without any necessary stopping. I know, hip pain constitutes a necessary stop, but I was in the zone!

I have been feeling this pain in my hip for the last couple of runs, usually I just try to stretch it out. It lasts usually until my next run, where it begins all over again. It sometimes caused me to limp a little in the beginning of the day, but wore off as the day went on.

But yesterday, like a dumbass, I pushed through and after a while, the pain lessened and I was able to finish my run.

Weird huh? I think in my mind I was pushing the pain away until it was a slight blimp on my body map. I carried on with a relatively average pace around 8:40.

Mile 11.5 had me stopping for some gulped down gatorade stashed in my ride, but I decided to forgo the GU, I just didnt see the point with only 1.5 miles left to go. I know that I should have actuall GU'ed it up at mile 8 or so, but I was truly in the zone and I didn't want to stop and mess up my flow.

Mile 1.5, after the stopage, was truly a formidable force.

I could actually feel the gatorade sloshing, my legs wobble (due to lack of fuel - yea I know), and my sweat leave tracks down my salt stained face.

1.5 had me running it in hard..even with dried out contacts caused by the gusty winds.

I finished it in with a time of 1:44:15. 5 minutes 45 seconds under my hoped for time!

Today, however, it is hard to walk. I still feel this pain in my left hip, I believe I pulled something and yesterday, I overexerted my poor pulled hip.

I decided, with a long sigh, that I would not do my planned 5 mile run today.

I hope this does not sideline me.

I won't let it. After my usual rest/kickbox class Monday, I will be running again on Tuesday.

Hopefully my hip will be ok.

I guess my promise to listen to my body didn't apply yesterday.

Sigh..

Mileage:

Mon: Rest
Tues: 5.81 in 48:20. 8:19 min./miles. (6 AM)
4.27 in 35:01. 8:11 min/miles. (7:30 PM)
Weds: 5.02 in 40:47. 8:07 min/miles.
Thurs: Rest
Fri: 7.34 in 1:00:41. 8:16 min/miles.
Sat: 12.01 in 1:44:15. 8:40 min/miles.

Total Mileage: 34.45

"hug it out Bitch"

I saw my first and only episode of "the Office" last week and I though it was the funniest thing I had ever seen.!

hence my new mantra.." HUG IT OUT BITCH"...ROFLMBO.

and ode to my new mantra..

my new playlist:

smokey - you've really got a hold on me
da crue - smoking in the boys room
the time - jungle love
sade - by your side
asslee s. - invisible
ms. janet - go deep
kittie - braxxius
roots - you got me
rage - testify
salt n pepa - ill take your man
too short - dont fight the feeling
q-tip - breathe and stop
prince - money doesn't matter tonite
pat benatar - love is a battlefield
natalie imbruglia - torn
mxpx - do your feet hurt
method man - break ups to make ups
mastodon - crystal skull
madonna - sorry (oakenfield remix)
ludacris - move bitch

"hug it out bitch!"

old skool

This week I accidently deleted like 2 blogs.

Oh well..

here's my running info for the week so far:

Mon: No run.
Tues: 5.81 miles in 48:20. 8:19 min/mile. (6 AM at the park)
4.27 miles in 35:01. 8:11 min/mile. (7 PM at the gym)
Weds: 5.02 miles in 40:47. 8:07 min/mile.
Thurs: Rest.
Fri: 7.34 miles in 1:00:41. 8:16 min/miles. (5:30 AM at the gym)

Total for week: 22.44 miles.

I am tentatively planning to hit up a 2 miler here in Salt River tomorrow morning at 7am., but I am also debating whether or not to just go ahead and run long instead.

Sunday looks like I will not be hitting up the 20K at S. Mtn. My sure goot fren Ms. Knowledge will be graduating with her Masters In Business Admin. on Sunday at 10 am. SHe is way more important than a run..sides, I can get my run on before that.

My long run this weekend is a 12 miler.

I haven't run long in two weeks. I need to get my distance running in and get an estimate where I will be coming in at in next month's 1/2er at S. Mtn. I so want to get 2:00.

This morning when I ran, I felt so sluggish and drained.

I had to crank my pace down slower than normal because I felt that I would not be able to keep the pace up for my planned hour run. So I took it down...which is what i need to do anyway. I think I mess myself up so much by thinking I need to go all out every run. I need to learn and get it pounded into my head that there are days when I run that I can rest...I need to rest. Im not a loser because I run at a slower pace than other days..., my body is not superhuman. Something I need to let myself remember.

I took my gu packet but I did not want to slug it down. I think I had no energy becasue all I had to eat was a banana b4 my run and some water in my pretty purple neoprene cup. I really do not like to eat before I run. I can actually feel it in my stomach.

Im so bad. I have to get over that mentality of "when I run I just want to run." with no preparation.

If I want to improve my times, and not be knocked out at the end of my runs, I need to prepare before the run.

It's just so hard for me to get over that "old skool" mentality of running I have from my father.

He tells me the night before a marathon he would eat beans and tortillas. LOL....and drink some water the morning of and that was it!

He would run in his trusty trucking gray New Balence runners, red bandana, and his ASU t-shirt and some raggedy shorts.

I guess Im old skool too..hehe.

Happy NATIVE DAY

I have no time it seems to blog much anymore.

My life is rush from here to there..and when I do have time to blog, I want to just lay like broccoli with my family and actually engage in real conversation..heh.

So I apologize to all my 2 readers..

I will get my butt back in gear starting tomorrow..

HAPPY COLUMBUS DAY..lol.(IM KIDDING)

(BTW...the Salt River Pima-Maricopa INdian Community does not celebrate Columbus Day, we celebrate Native American Day the week before...WE are so before our time..heh.)

run it in.

The rundown:

Mon: Too tired and out of it to run. Whew.
Tues: 6.07 miles in 49:32. 8:09 min./miles.
Weds: 5.54 miles in 45:58. 8:17 min./miles.
Thurs: 3.57 miles in 29.32. 8:22? min./miles.
(thingamabob jacked me and I had to stop after .65 the first run at 5:38 minutes at 8:33 min/miles. The second run I ran at 2.92 miles in 23:54 at
8:11 min./miles.)
Fri: 5.02 miles in 41:36. 8:16 min./miles.
Sat: 7.30 miles in 1:00:28. 8:16 min./miles.

Total: 27.61 for the week so far.

I plan to run long tomorrow...at least 10 miles, but I am aiming for 12.

Long busy hard week.

Have a problem coming up...a 20K I want to run is scheduled for Oct. 15th, BUT, my sure goot friend's graduation for her Masters is on that same day at 10am. The run begins at 7:30 at the base of S. Mountain.

If I run, I should be able to finish in under 2 hours. I say about 1:50?

Does this leave me enough to time to shower, get dressed and beat the rush at Phoenix Collegs?

Man..what to do.

Califas..

1) the DEJA VU ride at Six Flags Magic Mtn. is the only ride in my whole entire life that I have actually had scare the hells outta me!!. It is the one ride that I cannot see myself riding again because I think I may actually die on it. My seatbelt on the ride didnt' seem to catch, and I felt myself fall a bit when we were being pulled backward up 90 degrees..the whole entire ride I thought I was going to fall out of my chair..!!

2)My Morongo brothas have a hella of outlet chain on their rez..next time you hit up LA, be sure and stop and support the COACH store..LOL.

3) Fatburger is the bomb!

4) When going to buy gas, wait until you hit AZ upon returning home, gas prices in AZ are about 50 cents less than Califas..a change that happens within 10 miles!!

5) Don't stay in the Super 8 hotel on Katella Ave. near Disneyland, they harbor sexual predators and on our stay there, a woman passed on in the swimming pool! NO way was V-man getting his Thomas trunks on in that!!!!

6) Eat at Goofy's Kitchen at the Disneyland Hotel..good eats, Disney characters come to your table, and they have a cute lil area for the babee's to eat..PLUS, the BABEE gets his picture with GOOFY!! hehe.

7) HAVE A FREAKING BLAST..but leave a day early if your Babeeboy gets sick...and plan on hitting up DISNEYWORLD in the future to get your marathon on and check out EPCOT center...whoo0-hooo.