walking funny

I have a bad back.

Actually, it's a little more complicated than that. I have scoliosis.

I remember being 12 and having to go to the specialist in Globe. I knew then that whatever it was must be pretty serious, the hospital in San Carlos couldn't handle it, so I was referred out. Which I knew even then, was bad news.

It all started with those tests they use to give us at school. Ya know, line up, check your eyes, check your ears, measure and weigh you, touch your toes. It was the toes part that I had to do 4 times. They kept telling me to do it over and over again, finally telling me that my hips were not even. I was like ok, what does that mean? They called my Mom and right away arranged for an appointment in Globe. My Mom was so anxious, but I was just happy that I would have to miss school.

My mom explained to me that the nurse at my school explained to her, that when I bent over to touch my toes, one side of my hips was higher than the other, meaning that either one leg was longer than the other, OR that my spine was crooked. If it turned out to be my spine, then because I was young and still growing, I might need to wear a brace to align my spine. That news punched me in the gut. I remember reading a book of Judy Blume's called Deenie. In it, Deenie, the main character, is diagnosed with scoliosis and has to wear this big humongous brace till she stops growing. I couldn't put my head around the fact that my life might soon mirror that book.

The day of the appointment, I tried not to think about it, but I prayed so hard that night before to not have this awful thing happen to me.

The doctor examined me, measured my legs, and took x-rays.

I was diagnosed with scoliosis.

I had/have a slight curvation to the base of my spine. The doctor explained that my bones seemed to have reached the end of my growth, and thus, because I was almost done growing, a brace was not necessary for right now. I about jumped out my seat with joy, but my mother was silently crying in the corner. I mean, I was still scared with the thought of this scary sounding name attached to me for the rest of my life, but I was so freaking happy to not have to wear a brace and end up like poor ostracized Deenie. Funny thing is, I grew another 2 inches in the next 2 years.

The doctor went on to further explain that at my age then, I would probably not experience any pain or discomfort, however, as I got older, my back would more than likely get worse. The only thing I could do to combate the pain and eleveate it, would be to exercise, keep my weight down, and eat lots of calcium.

So hear I am, 30 years old with scoliosis. My back pain is a constant thing, in a way, I guess I have gotten used to it. People tend to think that I am fidgety, but really, I am trying to make myself more comfortable. I am constantly arching my back, stretching, popping. I cannot sit for very long in chairs that are hard or without a back. It hurts too much. Its funny to think of myself as in constant pain, but its not really, maybe discomfort is the word? Or maybe I have just gotten used to it. At nite, it is hard to sleep, to get into a position that is comfortable for my back, I wake almost every nite to stretch and lay on the floor.

I have heard stories of my grandmother, whom I have never met, walking with a side to side motion that I also do when I am tired. I often wonder if I take after her, if she had scoliosis too, but back then what skin knew what that was?

I accept my scoliosis and its encroachment on my life, but I won't ever use it as an excuse to be labeled "sick" or "disabled". I'm not. Just a ladee with a bad back.

PS. I would hate to think that peeps look at this as a post labeled "poor me poor me.", its not. Just a declaration that hey im not perfect, (physically anywho ..lol) but I'm not using anything as an excuse to keep me down.